


you wanna break these walls down // you're gonna get bruised

by gingergenower



Series: we break noses [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Dubious Morality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, mostly talking and will not make sense if you haven't read part one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 06:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13071204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergenower/pseuds/gingergenower
Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Magnus.For Bri! (on anonymous, you rapscallion)





	you wanna break these walls down // you're gonna get bruised

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from Halsey's [Castle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rfSHisyHdc)

Sprawled on the couch in Alec’s office, Magnus watches him over the rim of his glass of whiskey. He keeps plying Alec with expensive spirits to offer visitors to the Institute and the bottle was half-empty when Alec brought it out, so Magnus considers what, more unusual, flavours he might try on Alec next while Alec talks to Imogen Herondale.

The call is meant to be a strictly confidential meeting to discuss the events of the day before, but Alec only asked Magnus to stay quiet while they spoke. If he wanted Magnus to leave, he never asked him to, and he doesn’t so much as glance in Magnus’ direction when he’s brought up in conversation.

‘ _There’s only corroboration from the warlock of what happened, and he didn’t see everything. We need assurance no one died needlessly_.’

His vision spotted black, Magnus didn’t see the first shadowhunter die, but he heard Alec’s conversation with the second. He heard her dying.

He saw nothing because it was over so quickly. He only knew they were dead when Alec led him away; he chose to tell half-truths where Alec seems not to care about outright lying.

‘They left me no choice,’ Alec says, steady under scrutiny. ‘I told them to stop, but one of them had a seraph blade out and the other tried to get hers. I regret that there was no other way, but I had no time or options.’

‘ _And you believe the life of one warlock- one you’re in a relationship with, that hasn’t escaped our notice- was worth that of two shadowhunters_?’

Drawing himself up, Alec’s jaw tenses and he doesn’t address the relationship at all. ‘I’m trying to forge real, meaningful connections with the Downworlders. If those shadowhunters had succeeded in killing the High Warlock of Brooklyn within the walls of my Institute, they would never trust me again and my authority- and that of the Clave- would have been weakened.’

There’s a pause, in which Imogen seems to consider Alec. His logic follows in a language the Clave understands: yes, power. What else could it be about?

Magnus drinks again. If in the same position as Alec, he could absolutely understand the murder. Killing them might not have been enough but it’s all he would have done, too angry to draw it out, to be creative. He would feel guilt for it, but Magnus knows himself well enough to understand how wildly predictable love makes him. He would have found a way to spin the story later, but Alec didn’t make his choices like that.

The first death protected Magnus, but the second was a calculated, tactical move. Alec decided they both needed to die because he needed to send a message about the kind of leader he is, he knew what he would tell different people to send his message without losing his position, and then he killed her.

He’s told everyone he’s met he had no other choice, and now the Clave are the only people who haven’t heard it enough to realise how false it rings. Everyone hears what Alec isn’t saying; he personally murdered the last people who tried to kill Magnus and he will do it again if necessary.

‘ _We have confirmed their hand in disrupting your security systems, which have been fully restored_.’

‘I noticed this morning,’ Alec says. ‘Thank you.’

He doesn’t visibly react to the change of topic so Magnus does, eyes fluttering shut in relief. As Alec reminded Magnus, he already had enemies for his connection to the Downworld, but this could have been the end of Alec’s leadership, his families’ reputation, his position as a shadowhunter.

They haven’t spoken about what he risked yet. They haven’t had the chance.

Alec exchanges pleasantries with Imogen, assures her he’ll keep her updated as the week progresses, and ends the call.

Hands braced against the desk, Alec sighs, long and slow. Magnus doesn’t move, and Alec comes to in his own time. Clearing his throat and sitting straighter, he busies himself tidying his desk. ‘I’m implementing a new rule in the Institute.’

It takes Magnus a second to realise he’s the one being spoken to. ‘What rule?’

‘You will have myself, Izzy, Jace, Clary or another Downworlder with you in the Institute at all times.’

Magnus pauses, then decides he needs another drink and stands to get it. ‘I suppose that’s why I had such a formal greeting this morning.’

Jace walked him in, face grim.

‘It’s for your protection.’

‘I understand that.’

He might tell Alec what walking into the Institute was like, one day. The stares; all were different. Some were unsubtly furious, the death of their friends alighting their hatred of the Downworld. Some were strange and distant, understanding but not reconciled with it. Others were still in shock.

None of them came near him. Perhaps it was Jace’s presence, but the only people who dared approach him were Isabelle and Clary, who hugged him.

‘I think everyone in this Institute knows how well protected I am. I don’t need an escort to prove it.’

‘It’s not negotiable.’ Alec’s words are sharp, so Magnus pours his drink and doesn’t answer.

He’d worry more about Alec himself, but he already stays so close to those he trusts they’d struggle getting near him. That’s why they attacked Magnus in the first place.

‘They won’t catch me off guard again.’

‘There won’t be another chance to.’

‘Alexander, you can’t-’

‘I can and I will.’ Alec finally stops organising his desk, hand hovering over a book, but he doesn’t look at Magnus. ‘You’re not getting hurt again because of my arrogance. I’m not risking it.’

‘It wasn’t your fault.’

‘If you weren’t with me-’

‘They’d still hate me. I’m a Downworlder.’

Biting back a retort, Alec shakes his head. He’s blaming himself, again.

Magnus leans against the desk, setting his glass down. ‘Did you hear what they said to me?’

Frowning, Alec looks up at him. ‘No.’

‘They told me they didn’t want to kill me,’ Magnus says, and he sincerely believed them, ‘but that the Downworld needed reminding of their place. The addition of our relationship was merely convenient.’

The last words seem to echo in the room- Alec flinches, closing his eyes, trying to contain everything he’s feeling.

Magnus moves, going to take Alec’s shaking hands, but he stands up abruptly and steps back.

For the first time, Magnus feels truly unsteady, but Alec makes eye contact and keeps it- just enough to cling on to.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he says, hoarse. ‘It must have been terrifying.’

Pausing, Magnus picks his words carefully. ‘It won’t be one of my favourite moments of this century.’

‘Magnus-’

‘I was afraid,’ Magnus says, smiling small. ‘But I’ve lived a long and good life, Alexander, and I spent some of it with you. I couldn’t be sad.’

Tears roll down his cheeks, but Alec touches a thumb to them and wipes them away. Magnus doesn’t know who moves first to hold the other; finding himself in Alec’s arms, he doesn’t care, breathing him in and feeling Alec cup the back of his head and immersing himself in what might have been taken away.

‘I know you want to keep me safe because I want the same for you,’ Magnus murmurs. ‘But you might not be able to.’

‘I don’t regret it.’

‘I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to forgive yourself if I ever do die.'

Too slow, Alec nods, and Magnus breathes out. They will leave this room, they will face everything else, but not until they bring themselves to let go of each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it's along the lines of what you wanted, Bri :)


End file.
